hi

my physical and emotional self is so doing really crappy right now. i was just in my room praying and reading trying to figure out what i'm feeling... and this is it...
i'm angry, without peace, not knowing what to do, confused, lost, worried, helpless, lonely and fearful

wow.. that's a lot of feelings eh? ..ya i though so too. so all of this stuff was suprisingly not effecting my spiritual life that much. at fuel yesterday, i was just worshipping. i traded all my sorrows and shame for joy... That's really easy to do for me when i'm in like an actual worship service, but today, i'm feeling even worse than the last 2 or 3 days i've been feeling this way. i need to live this and proclaim it EVERY DAY or else it won't happen, i'll still be hanging on to my pain when God wants so much to take it away from me so i can have joy. the whole service during fuel was so refreshing and awesome - there was nothing holding me back from my lover. and i guess God's really trying to tell me that my feelings must stop controlling me. i have to proclaim that Jesus is in control. that no matter what i'm feeling, i can still worship Him with my life because he is SO worthy. my greatest gift would be the least he deserves. and i felt God telling me tonight that i have to just trust in him. its that simple... but is it? its so hard to trust him right now because there is this big huge storm raging inside of me. (read the story in the bible ~mark 4:35-41~) but Jesus is able to calm the storm. and give me peace- his peace that goes beyond all comprehension.

so anyways.. ya i decided that this year, i'm not going to waste my time doing nothing. i want to know Jesus as my friend.. lover... father... and everything else that he is.. :) i wanna live for the king!!!! (read the song on my Dec 20th post ~it's still on my heart) so ya, i want more revelation. i never want to be satisfied because there is so much more! pray for me this year

here's some bible verses that i need to hear:

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lead not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your path straight."

Psalm 37:4
"delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."


Psalm 115:1
"not us, O Lord, but you goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness."