(read my last blog too it's only 2 days old) anyways.. i just wrote a big huge blog and it got deleted.. so i'm going to write it again ya it really sucks.

ok so you've all heard me ramble on and on for the past like.. 5 months about how empty i feel and how lazy and apethetic i am, and i've decided i've had enough of it! i've had enough of not caring! i've had enough of seeing but not doing! i've had enough of hearing the stories and not telling them! enough of wanting but not having! enough of saddness instead of joy! enough of my emptiness! enough of being satisfied! enough of holding back! enough of listening to lies! i've had enough! enough of myself! enough of my selfishness! i need more of you God, and less me.

so why? why am i holding back when i know that i want it. i want it SO badly! i want God. i want Jesus. i want to be so deep in my relationship with God. i want so much, i want to be so close.

it all comes down to this: CHOOSE! you have to choose God. you have to choose to love him, choose to follow him. every day you have a choice. every day you choose what you do, what you say. it's up to you. decide. you choose how close you get with God. you choose how deep you go.

i choose you God. i choose to draw near to you. i want you, the Jesus i once thought i knew. soften my heart, and mold me. i know that i can trust you. please stay close to me. give me joy. i want to be lit again. i want a burning fire. i want you inside me. revive me back to life. i'm nothing without you. i'm so lost.. lost without you. i can't stand this separation any longer! have your way with me, take me away to wherever you want me to be, to who you want me to be. i am yours. thankyou for your grace. thanks for loving me even though i'm broken, even though i messed up, even though i am so weak. but that's why you're here right? i wouldn't need you if i was perfect. i do need you. i need you so so much! take my hand.. stay close to me

To be close to you~Kenny Rahn

for so long i have hungered
for the voice that gently calls out my name
i want to hear it again

Lord draw me close, closer than ever
i want to feel your heartbeat against mine
i want to feel it again

i long to hear you whisper to me
secrets you keep hidden so deep
i want to be wherever you are
this is what i want

when i'm with you your arms surround me
sweet melodies of your love you sing over me
such love i've never known

i long to hear you whisper to me
secrets you keep hidden so deep
i want to be wherever you are
this is what i want

to be close to you
to hear your voice
to feel your heartbeat against mine

Music:
Lauryn Hill-love her so much!, Tracy and Kenny cd, "the way you make me feel" -Michael Jackson, "Beautiful" CD, "this is the year" -Heather Clark