maybe when I feel sufficient, I'm really broken
maybe every time I come to you, I must come with nothing
maybe you're nearer than I would ever know
and more real than life itself could ever reveal
maybe all I am has nothing to do with me at all,
but everything to do with what you are doing.
maybe your heart weeps more tears
than all the oceans in this earth; the drops from your eyes
saturating the dry ground faster than the flood.
maybe if I really knew you, my tears would flow more freely

maybe I only know a mystery; a legend of who you are
and I have only grazed the skin of your heart with my
feeble prayers and offerings of praise.
maybe I am unaware of you standing over me right now,
alive and well, waiting for a glimpse of my eyes...
waiting for the chance that our visions would cross...
and become one.

maybe I'm scared to truly look
because one look into your eyes means
knowing you. And knowing you means
understanding you. And understanding you means
loving you. And loving you means following you...
to whatever end...

maybe you're more dangerous than I've given you credit for
maybe losing myself is truly the only way to find life
and the only way to live is to die
maybe this world does have everything backwards and upside down
and this kingdom, as offensive and frightening as it may be,
holds the keys to truth. maybe this kingdom is nearer than I ever thought
and he's been waiting for me to trust him and lay everything on the line
maybe this kingdom could touch earth right now! maybe if I would go
you'd be with me. maybe I need you more than I ever dreamed
maybe your grace is the only thing that sustains me.
maybe your friendship is the only worth I have.
maybe your intimacy is a treasure more precious
than all I hold dear. maybe you go to greater
lengths than time has to tell to get my attention

...maybe I'm falling in love with you all over again


~Jeff Schroeder

why am i so weak? Gods power is so amazing, his love is overwhelming, his mercy is awesome, his sacrifice is beautiful. he wants to bless me so much, he wants to give me amazing things, he wants to walk with me, eat with me. he wants to be a part of my life, the centre of my life. he died for me! he wants me! he wants ME... a sinner... just as i am. just as weak as i am, just as lazy as i am...

knowing all of this, how is it possible for me to stop putting in the effort of a relationship? how dare i take this for granted? how can i feel so helpless, and feel like i'll never get back into the place where i once was. why do i feel like i can't pray? why don't i want it enough.. why am i satisfied? why won't i go for it and run with it? how come my fire seems to be dying so often?

...i hate it...

God please give me strength. pour your grace down over me... wash it away.. wash my sin, clean my spirit, purify my thoughts, remove my disobedience, cleanse my wounds, soften my heart...

when i hear you
i will follow

when it's silent
i will trust you

from the darkness of the night
from despair into the light

make me whole
make me clean
make me pure as gold again

let me shine
like the stars
in the brilliant evening sky

~the wildings

MusiC:
i just got the new blindside CD "about a burning fire" i like "eye of the storm" and i'm going to see them and POD play in june! waterdeep is cool too:) i'm excited to see the wildings play at fuel

Lord you’re near to those who are discouraged
You save those who have lost all hope
You’ve taken my sorrow and surrounded me with joy
You’re here with me, your touch gives me life
~Samuel Lane~

"when i am weak, then i am strong..."
~2 Corinthians. 12:10b



!AWAKE, MY SOUL!

hey everyone

i've been doing pretty good lately... i love april :) happy birthday Jeff, Jordan, and Jared! the sun is the greatest! i love it.. it's like the weekend of summer... i shouldn't be inside right now, but i'm trying to figure out what i'm doing today...

ok you know the whole situation with God wanting me to be a friend to the friendless and stuff? well.. i have been talking to the person and i got their e-mail and everything! so its going good. the past few months i knew i needed to start being their friend and i was like "no i don't want to, God!" and so i didn't for like 3 and a half months.. it made me feel like God was mad at me because i didn't want to obey Him and so it was effecting our relationship. i felt so bad and that i couldn't get close. when i was trying to sing worship songs, sometimes i'll be like "well... i don't mean this God, help me mean it! help me want to do it!" and so i felt like i was drifting off or like falling asleep.. i wasn't spending as much time with Jesus as i used to and stuff... and i was feeling discouraged because of the whole thing. then like a week ago God was like "WAKE UP christine! it's ok" so now since i've been actually doing what God's been telling me, i feel way better and that i can have freedom coming before him and talking to him and stuff. it's tres bon!

i'm on my third time reading "the unquenchable worshipper" by matt redman (good book!) and i'm going to write a couple things from the first chapter that really encouraged me to keep my flame burning...

"too often my worship is tamed by the complications and struggles of this world, but i long to be in a place where my fire for God cannot be quenched or washed away, even by the mightiest rivers of opposition- i long for worship that can never be extinguished."

"situations change from better or for worse, but God's worth never changes"

"the heart of God loves a perservering worshipper who, though overwhelmed by many troubles, is overwhelmed even more by the beauty of God"

"...to this day, every breath we breath is a reminder of our maker, and every hour holds the possibillity of living in his presence. we simply need to keep putting ourselves into that place..."

i guess that's it... i'll leave you with a verse:

Love is as strong as death, it's jealousy unyeilding as the grave. it burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away.

song of songs 8:6-7


~christine~