hello everyone.
i'm finally done exams! praise the Lord! ...except yesterday i woke up with a really big cold... that's not a very good thing. it was probly because for 2 weeks i haven't had any time for anything because of school and sports and stuff, that's why i haven't written on here either. but.. ya today was supposed to be the start of my "fun week" with no school, but now i have to stay home and stuff... :( oh well.. it's Teresa's birthday today and she got her L :)yay

i was listening to Jeffs workshop on "the friendship and the fear" from the "take hold" conference and it was totally what i have been thinking about lately! completely in reverance before God, realizing that He is holy, but at the same time, having an intimate relationship with him. he is SO HOLY you guys! we need to understand. if we knew the extent of how wonderful He is, our lives would completely change! i want God to humble me. like jeff said, it's a journey. i want to discover how far i can go in humility. i must decrease and He must increase! it's not about me!! i just want to live my life with worth. i want to please my creator! life is meaningless... everything is meanlingless!

psalm 86:11
"...give me an undivided heart..." (NIV)
"...then undivided, i'll worship in joyful fear..." (MSG)
~i want my heart to be in undivided devotion to Jesus!

i read Romans 12 in the message bible.. it's super good! read all of it.. right now! it's way too long for me to write it all out, but i'll put a few things from it on here. oh ya.. i'm reading "the purpose driven life" right now. you shold read it. i'm on day 12 or something so far.

so here's what i want you to do, God helping you: take you everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping and eating.. and place it before God as an offering

embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. instead, fix your attention on God. you'll be changed from the inside out.

God brings out the best in you

love from the centre of who you are; don't fake it. run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. be good friends who love deeply; practice playing the second fiddle.

be alert sevants of the master, cheerfully expectant. don't quit in hard times; pray all the harder.

discover beauty in everyone. if you've got it in you, get along with everybody.

if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he's thirsty, get him a drink. your generosity will suprise him with goodness. don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.

anyways.. i've been thinking a lot about loving each other... looking at people the way God sees them, not how i see them. loving people with Gods love, not mine. Gods starting to challenge me with that, to get along with people better and do it joyfully.

so... that's pretty much it.. pray for me to get better and stuff
love you:)

~christine

tOoNs: Switchfoot (new way to be human album) "Lord you're near" ~Samual Lane (Vineyard) Matt Redman, Just Stay Calm has some sweet sauce music... Jeffypoo and Katieboo are great:)


"Lord you know what i long for ~ You're all i want in this life"

hey you guys

i've been doing ok this week.. i got on the vixens volleyball team (had the tryout on wed) we had an awesome fuel practice and i'm really excited to be dancing tonight!

i've been thinking a lot lately... about everything! its been hard to just sit down and read my bible.. i kept finding other things to do.. you know what i mean. its hard to press in right now.. i don't even understand why it's happening or what's holding me back, but its dum and i'm certainly going to change it.

i've also been finding it hard to worship God when i really don't like the style of music. i know that's not cool.. but i'm struggling with it. especially when i don't even like the songs. i've found myself just thinking about other things.. it's not good. i should be worshipping God no matter what, and even if i don't like the songs, then i can just suck it up and pray about it or something. so.. pray for me about that one. but it's not even the music at all! its about Jesus!

you know the verse on the top of my blog? "deny yourself and take up your cross and follow me" i have been thinking about that one all week. what exactly does "denying" yourself mean? what do i have to do to deny myself? this is what the dictionary told me about it: "to refuse to recognize or acknowledge" "to refuse to admit the existence, truth, or value of" "to disown" ...Jesus was saying some pretty serious stuff there. if we want to be His followers, we have to recognize that we are nothing, we have no worth. we need to live in that knowledge and know that it's not about us, it's about God in us. my heart is crying out right now for the ablility to deny myself. to be humble, selfless. but the world is telling me "be selfish , you are the only thing that matters" but i say "NO!" :) it's not "all about me"! i don't want to be in you, world! i want to deny myself and take up my cross and follow Jesus, the only thing that is worthy!!!

ok, now.. what did Jesus mean when he told us to "take up our cross"? well.. in those times, crucifixion was a common thing. and condemned criminals had to carry their cross through the streets to get to the execution site. this was a sign of commitment. so when Jesus said this, his disciples knew exactly what he meant. we have to risk our lives, lay it down, don't turn back, be broken, carrying our cross, following him and him alone.

then, that portion of scripture it goes on to say "if you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it, but if you give up your life for me, you will find true life." (verse 25) and it says the same thing in matt 10:39: "if you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it." it's all or nothing folks! we need to lay our lives down. we need to give him everything! because then, we will find our life, a life full of Gods glory, the only life worth living for. its worth it! lets go for it!

i feel Gods grace pouring onto me, probably because i'm starting to realize how much grace he has given me.. it's SO amazing!! he loves me so much, no matter how many times i mess up. he never stops smiling over me and telling himself "she's my daughter, my lover" ...amazing grace... what an awesome God we serve! i love him so much!

heres a song that reflects me right now

father here i am in this place again
i know that you're no stranger to pain
to loneliness
father here i come
i lay my burdens down
knowing that you'll take me as i am
so i come with freedom as your child
and i run into your arms

my heart is aching for my father
my eyes they long to see my God
this world has nothing i desire
you are what i'm looking for
hide me underneath your shelter
cover me and i will say
i am yours
surely i am yours

~Kim Johnson

Dear God, thankyou so much for your love for me. it is everlasting. you are such a faithful friend. please give me strength. help me to deny myself. i can't stand this separation any longer! i want to be humbled. i want to be selfless. remind me every day. "it's not about me" its all about you Jesus, you are the greatest gift. i am nothing. i and worthless. i am unclean. i am a sinner. but with you inside of me, i am pure. i am worthy. i am beautiful. i'm a warrior. thankyou for that God. help me live in obedience to you and your words. please help me go deeper with you and get to know more and more every day. i love you a million bags of sugar!

~christine

scriptures of the week: Phillippians 3:7-9, 1 Peter 3:9, all of James, 1 Thessalonians 5:17

umm... cool colors eh? ya i thought so too. it's my brothers birthday today. happy birthday Jason!! :) love you man. it's finally saturday and i didn't have to get up early for school. that's always a good thing. i had an awesome time with Jess yesterday.. :) yay for friends! we had a 3 day week in school because of the snow.. i needed that, i could barely open my eyes. i don't have any homework this weekend! YES!

i'm doing way way better than my last blog.. and reading it, i realized even when i was writing it, i was feeling better by the end of it. that's one thing i like about blogs, when you write your feelings down, you think about them more and you understand them. then it's easier to work through it 'cause then you know how your feeling-if that makes sense- but anyways, basically God just taught me to trust him even when my emotions don't. it's hard, but his peace surpasses all comprehension and He is the calm of the storm.

i just finished reading this book about Jesus' life but Mary was the main character so it was like in her perspective. it was cool, i liked it because you can have an idea of her feelings and during His birth and death and stuff.. ya. but what really got me was Jesus' death. it wasn't anything special, nothing i haven't heard before, but every time i hear his death in detail and just like everything he went through and i think about it, it makes me cry. there is so much depth that i don't understand. Jesus DIED! and he died for ME! i am so unworthy, but Jesus makes me worthy because of what he did he made me clean. it's so beautiful! i love what he has done theres nothing that compares to the cross! o man words cannot explain it! that reminds me of Jeffs song:

my mind cannot explain it
my heart cannot contain it
i just love you...

theres more but that's the jist of it. o man i love Jesus SO MUCH! he's my hearts desire. He's the only thing worth living for! i haven't even seen anything close to his beauty, yet i stand in awe. if i could put my heart into words, it would be billions of pages long! i can't explain it! but basically, i'm just learning (even as we- or.. i- speak)what Jesus has done for me. He is so amazing!

phillippians 3:7-9 (nlt)
I once thought that all these things were important, but now i consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. Yes, everything else is worthless when compared to the priceless gain of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. I have discarded everything else, counting it as all garbage, so that I may have Christ and become one with him...

colossians 2:13-15
you were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. then God made you alive with Christ. He forgave all our sins. He cancelled the record that contained the charges against us. He took it and destroyed it by nailing it to Christ's cross. in this way, God disarmed the evil rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross of Christ.
here's an awesome song that i like:

how can i know you more
teach me who you really are
i long to come so close
t'know how it feels to be loved

i wanna see you now
touch your face and hold your hand Jesus

Jesus your love is wonderful to me

so.. ya that's about it.. theres not that much stuff new with me, but that's ok

~christine~

tunes of the week: "Beautiful" and "i want to see you now" ~vineyard CD, "i cannot hide my love" ~not sure (?), wildings

hi

my physical and emotional self is so doing really crappy right now. i was just in my room praying and reading trying to figure out what i'm feeling... and this is it...
i'm angry, without peace, not knowing what to do, confused, lost, worried, helpless, lonely and fearful

wow.. that's a lot of feelings eh? ..ya i though so too. so all of this stuff was suprisingly not effecting my spiritual life that much. at fuel yesterday, i was just worshipping. i traded all my sorrows and shame for joy... That's really easy to do for me when i'm in like an actual worship service, but today, i'm feeling even worse than the last 2 or 3 days i've been feeling this way. i need to live this and proclaim it EVERY DAY or else it won't happen, i'll still be hanging on to my pain when God wants so much to take it away from me so i can have joy. the whole service during fuel was so refreshing and awesome - there was nothing holding me back from my lover. and i guess God's really trying to tell me that my feelings must stop controlling me. i have to proclaim that Jesus is in control. that no matter what i'm feeling, i can still worship Him with my life because he is SO worthy. my greatest gift would be the least he deserves. and i felt God telling me tonight that i have to just trust in him. its that simple... but is it? its so hard to trust him right now because there is this big huge storm raging inside of me. (read the story in the bible ~mark 4:35-41~) but Jesus is able to calm the storm. and give me peace- his peace that goes beyond all comprehension.

so anyways.. ya i decided that this year, i'm not going to waste my time doing nothing. i want to know Jesus as my friend.. lover... father... and everything else that he is.. :) i wanna live for the king!!!! (read the song on my Dec 20th post ~it's still on my heart) so ya, i want more revelation. i never want to be satisfied because there is so much more! pray for me this year

here's some bible verses that i need to hear:

Proverbs 3:5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lead not unto your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your path straight."

Psalm 37:4
"delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart."


Psalm 115:1
"not us, O Lord, but you goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness."